I was abducted by aliens and anally probed. Apparently my ass is the final frontier.
It was strange, though. The aliens were there in disguise. It didn't fool me, though! They were dressed up as my friends Rob and Will. They took me to their space ship which they even went so far as to change to look like the inside of the back of Will's Toyota. They spoke in this strange dialect... it was like those Native people who make those clicking sounds to talk. Only it sounded my like human giggling. There was even a chihuahua that was growling at me from behind a welding hood. Sadly I don't think I'll ever be able to make eye contact with Rob or Will again because of the trauma.
Though... in reality I DID litterally walk into the ass end of a skunk. I just got done doing some work on the Camaro because I can't sleep and walking out of the garage all satisfied and happy. How I didn't get sprayed I'll never know. For some reason animals never attack me. I have walked right into salvage yards and wound up eye to eye with a pit bull who jumped on me... made eye contact as if to say "I can't let you through. You shouldn't be here. You smell like chicken." Except Rob's chihuahua who WILL bite me. He has before. I just never told Rob cuz I don't want him to be punished. The skunk ran and he did take aim. But he didn't fire. He doesn't seem to have sprayed at all recently.