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About Deviant Premium Member Evil Wicked Mean and Nasty39/Male/United States Groups :iconfight-night: Fight-Night
 
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Then you seen me. by HotRod-302
Then you seen me.
Have you ever seen a One trick pony in the field so happy and free. If you ever seen a one trick pony than you seen me.
Have you ever seen a one legged dog makin' his way down the street. If you ever seen a one legged dog than you seen me.
Then you've seen me. I come and stand in every door. Then you seen mee I always left with less than I had before. Then you seen me but I can make you smile when the blood it hits the floor. Tell me friend can you ask for anything more. Tell me can you ask for anything more.
Have you ever seen a scarecrow full of nothin' but dust and weeds. If you ever seen a scarecrow than you seen me. 
Have you ever seen a one armed man punching at nothin' but the breeze. If you ever seen that one armed man then you've seen me. 
Then you've seen me I come nd stand in every door. Then you seen me I always leave with less than I had before. Then you seen me but I bet I can make you smile when the blood it hits the floor. Tell me friend can you ask for anything more? Tell me can you ask for anything more?
These things that have comforted me I drive away. This place that is my home I cannot stay. My only faith is in the broken bones and bruises I display.
Have you ever seen a one legged man trying to dance his way free. If you ever seen a one legged man then you seen me...

True words by Bruce Springsteen. All about being held back but still living. A one legged dog making his way down the street... he's still making it down the street. And how appropriate how most people run into people like my mom every day and not even know it. You've seen her. And she always left with a little less than she had before. 
It's sad... but at the same time inspiring to me. Perserverance. All about perserverance. 
youtu.be/uRUEKJIcvbo
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Gonne miss ya, Mom by HotRod-302
Gonne miss ya, Mom
To my mom, Feb 8 1947 to April 15 2015.

This is my mom. Who I have given care to for almost as long as I can remember. She had a degenerative back and had four major spine surgeries, two knee surgeries, a plate in her foot, and other smaller issues. Most people wouldn't have been able to survive what she has. 

She is my mom and my best friend. Because she has passed on doesn't change that. As I said when my friend Steve died in January, death doesn't change who a persn is. 
Mom was one of those rare souls that can make anything classy. She was special in that. She had a turbulant life having grown up in a family that was beyond dysfunctional. Her second husband died of cancer and her family didn't even help her hardly at all. She raised two kids while tending to a dying husband. Marrying my dad who was great financially... but lacked pretty much everywhere else.
But through all that she remained strong. She was a protector. She was a warrior. She was a giver. She put so much of her life aside for all of us that so many of her own dreams never came to be. Even then through all that she had this amazing sense of humor. She had this contagious laugh. She became everyone's mom that she came into contact with. 
My last real memory with her that I will hold on to is pretty  the same as my sister's.
It was Easter Sunday this year. She had been sick and was in a physical rehab place. She had gotten all dressed up wearing the little heart pendant I got her for her birthday. She was sitting upright on the side of her bed looking out the window waiting for company. It was late, since I work late afternoons to evenings. She heard me come in and smiled as I gave her a little tub of Frogeye Salad (It's not what it sounds like. It's a dessert.) and she said in an uplifting and happy tone "Hi sweetie!" and I sat down and we enjoyed each other's company. 
She was a hot rodder. A hot roddin' momma! My Camaro was HER Camaro, originally. Her spirit will always be part of that car. It will ALWAYS be our connection. No matter what. I'd sooner part with this house before parting with that car. Because it got her through some of the hardest times in her life. 
All of you, hug your momma. If you love your mom at all. If you think there is even a slight chance you'll miss her no matter how rocky your relationship is... trust me... you will wish you had that one positive moment. 
I love you, mom, and I miss you more than you will know! The world is poorer without you. But you have made me so rich! 

I will begin scanning some of the artwork she created soon. She had some real talent!
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Today was the memorial service for my mom. It all went very well. As well as you can expect in my family and crowd anyway. 
I made the promise that the Camaro would be there. And with the help of my friends it did. I know it may seem odd to many of you that "Sure, it's a nice car... but aren't you making a big deal out of it?"
Maybe in a normal family. 
That Camaro was bought by my mom in 1970. Five years before I was born. It was all the therapy she had after her second husband died of cancer in 1969. For a while it seemed like that was the only way she can feel good. She had two children, low income, a non-supportive family. A family SO bad on support that when her husband died their act of charity was to babysit for a little while that evening. So for a while that car was her only foohold keeping her well enough to take care of her two kids. Through her whole life that car was RIGHT THERE. 
But it's more than that. When I drove that car, aside from it running llike shit, I STILL felt like she was right there.
But the car has a way of making things happen. It has a life and soul of it's own. I pull in and the pastor tells me to move it to the isle where the hearse recieves the body and the mourners pull their cars behind. He knew the car was precious. So that was as close as we could get to the car being in the service. I have a prayer on a magnet. That will come later. 
We all meet... a large screen with a slideshow of my mom throughout her life... gentle music playing in the background. Flowers adorning the urn (She wasn't there. I collect her ashes Saturday. The urn was just there to represent her) and we had keepsakes on display. Only 12 of us made it because an aunt and an uncle were both in the hospital on unrelated things... I wont get into because I still don't know for sure myself WHAT is going on... 
The preacher says his first part before introducing the first song. "I hope you dance." by Lee Ann Womack. We cry as the music plays. Mom couldn't walk without a walker so... in the afterlife we hope she is dancing and I sit there through my tears imagining her dancing. 
Then he reads The Lord's Prayer and explains it's significance to us and then plays Blue, by Yoko Kanno which to me is about passing away. "Never seen a bluer sky. I can see it reaching out and moving closer... there's something about blue..." and the tune goes on about being free. Significant to me that mom is free of her pain. "I want to be FREEEEEE!" and ends with "I'm so FREEEEE! No black and white in blue. Everything is clearer now. Life is just a dream that's never ending. I'm ascending."
Then we get the chance to speak. I'm up first and I explain how my mom was a protector and a giver and we have a RESPONSIBILITY to make sure she has no reason to worry about us because if she worries about us she'll stay and try and protect us. We can't let that happen because she earned her heaven. We can't take that away from her. To repay her kindness we need to take better care of ourselves physically and mentally and emotionally. How our family has been torn apart and reassembled so many times we are beginning to lose parts now. 
My dad goes up to speak... I wont get into that. If there was a hiccup in everything it was him. All I can say is I hope mom swatted him upside the head and he was too dense for it to register.
Then my sisters get their times. One expresses her most recent positive memory about seeing mom on Easter all dressed up, sitting up waiting for company, hair all perfect like she tends to be. She turns and smiles. That's how I remember her.
My other sister expressing regrets about not being around enough, living out of state, but how mom's traditions are still such a HUGE part of her life and her daughters lives and how we MUST carry on the way mom would want. 
Then they play "See you again" by Carrie Underwood which is totally true. 
Then he comes back up and explains how he saw me bring the car up and how important it was and how he saw my little prayer. Those who know me ALL of the gearheads on here will smile at. I can't remember how he introduced it exactly but he said "Richard showed me this little magnet in his baeutiful car and I'd like to read you this prayer in closing. As I lay rubber down the street I pray for traction I can keep. Should I skid and start to slide... please dear God... protect my sweet ride."
We all laugh and smile and I just SEE in my mind mom with that big brilliant smile she has getting a good chuckle out of it. Then there wasn't a dry eye in the house as Amazing Grace on the bagpipes play. 

We gather at the house. I tried to hotrod a little for mom. Rob was in the passenger seat but I know mom was there too. The Camaro just didn't feel up to it at first. But a little later I tried again and it kinda started to say "NnnnnooooookAY just this once." and after a little sputter it squatted down, blew out the smoke, front end comes up and it roared. :iconzerrinth: exhaust sounding so nice... 
We gathered and ate. We laughed. We cried. No matter what we did we honored mom. 
So I have until Saturday to iron out a few little issues. I'm going to pick up her remains in the Camaro and give her the ride. 
I miss my mom. I always will. But knowing she isn't in pain and in fear is stronger. 
So Sunday the cervices for my mom happen at 2. It will be a small simple service inspired by my late friend Steve Addlesee's funeral. 
It wont be as large, my poor mom wasn't able to leave the house TO make friends. So the first gathering will be for my sisters, father, and closest friends. The second service will be for aunts uncles and so on.
During the funeral music will play. Starting with Lee Anne Womack "I hope you dance." The significance of it is that my mom has been pretty much crippled.
Then we will play Blue by The Seatbelts. I will be BAWLING like a child for that one. 
Blue... being free. She is free of her pain. She is free of her imbalance and falling. She is free of fearing of more surgeries. She is free of being held down by her own body.v
The following Blue there will be Scottish bagpipes playing Amazing Grace followed by the CHerokee Amazing Grace.


After the music we come to my home (wow. Now it is MY home.) and we mingle. We will not have a viewing of the body, mom wouldn't not have wanted that. INstead she is being cremeated. Each family member gets a pendant that contains some of mom's ashes. We will also take a small vial of ashes to her secon husband who died of cancer and bury the ashes there. 
Then another small portion of ashes are going to be used in one of these urnabios.com/product/pine/ so she will become part of a strong tree! 
Meanwhile the rest of the ashes will be home here with me. She will be in a rosewood urn. Right now it's a plain looking urn, but my aunt who does oil painting will decorate it. So it's a gift from her sister who may also be sick.. Probably cancer. 
Next Saturday she will be ready to pickup. That's going to be hard to do. Not only amm I getting my mom's remains I'm also getting the metal hardware that caused her all this pain. So... yeah... tha will be hard.
I am finding myself more and more at peace. Realizing that she is free from pain. Free from worry. Free from sickness. 
But I telll ya. I visited her every single night. I hated making the drive because it was so depressing to get there and see all the sick folks.... now I would give anything to be able make the drive again and see her sitting on the edge of her bed looking out the window... hair all fixed up and in a classy gown. Then she sees me enter the room.
I'll mss her voice. I'll miss her hugs. I'll miss our TV time togeher. I'll miss cooking wih mom. I'll miss going to dinner and Wal Mart. 

deviantID

HotRod-302
Evil Wicked Mean and Nasty
United States
Current Residence: Northglenn Co
Favourite cartoon character: Coop (Megas XLR)
Personal Quote: Seriously, if you're not laughing, kill yourself.
Interests
Today was the memorial service for my mom. It all went very well. As well as you can expect in my family and crowd anyway. 
I made the promise that the Camaro would be there. And with the help of my friends it did. I know it may seem odd to many of you that "Sure, it's a nice car... but aren't you making a big deal out of it?"
Maybe in a normal family. 
That Camaro was bought by my mom in 1970. Five years before I was born. It was all the therapy she had after her second husband died of cancer in 1969. For a while it seemed like that was the only way she can feel good. She had two children, low income, a non-supportive family. A family SO bad on support that when her husband died their act of charity was to babysit for a little while that evening. So for a while that car was her only foohold keeping her well enough to take care of her two kids. Through her whole life that car was RIGHT THERE. 
But it's more than that. When I drove that car, aside from it running llike shit, I STILL felt like she was right there.
But the car has a way of making things happen. It has a life and soul of it's own. I pull in and the pastor tells me to move it to the isle where the hearse recieves the body and the mourners pull their cars behind. He knew the car was precious. So that was as close as we could get to the car being in the service. I have a prayer on a magnet. That will come later. 
We all meet... a large screen with a slideshow of my mom throughout her life... gentle music playing in the background. Flowers adorning the urn (She wasn't there. I collect her ashes Saturday. The urn was just there to represent her) and we had keepsakes on display. Only 12 of us made it because an aunt and an uncle were both in the hospital on unrelated things... I wont get into because I still don't know for sure myself WHAT is going on... 
The preacher says his first part before introducing the first song. "I hope you dance." by Lee Ann Womack. We cry as the music plays. Mom couldn't walk without a walker so... in the afterlife we hope she is dancing and I sit there through my tears imagining her dancing. 
Then he reads The Lord's Prayer and explains it's significance to us and then plays Blue, by Yoko Kanno which to me is about passing away. "Never seen a bluer sky. I can see it reaching out and moving closer... there's something about blue..." and the tune goes on about being free. Significant to me that mom is free of her pain. "I want to be FREEEEEE!" and ends with "I'm so FREEEEE! No black and white in blue. Everything is clearer now. Life is just a dream that's never ending. I'm ascending."
Then we get the chance to speak. I'm up first and I explain how my mom was a protector and a giver and we have a RESPONSIBILITY to make sure she has no reason to worry about us because if she worries about us she'll stay and try and protect us. We can't let that happen because she earned her heaven. We can't take that away from her. To repay her kindness we need to take better care of ourselves physically and mentally and emotionally. How our family has been torn apart and reassembled so many times we are beginning to lose parts now. 
My dad goes up to speak... I wont get into that. If there was a hiccup in everything it was him. All I can say is I hope mom swatted him upside the head and he was too dense for it to register.
Then my sisters get their times. One expresses her most recent positive memory about seeing mom on Easter all dressed up, sitting up waiting for company, hair all perfect like she tends to be. She turns and smiles. That's how I remember her.
My other sister expressing regrets about not being around enough, living out of state, but how mom's traditions are still such a HUGE part of her life and her daughters lives and how we MUST carry on the way mom would want. 
Then they play "See you again" by Carrie Underwood which is totally true. 
Then he comes back up and explains how he saw me bring the car up and how important it was and how he saw my little prayer. Those who know me ALL of the gearheads on here will smile at. I can't remember how he introduced it exactly but he said "Richard showed me this little magnet in his baeutiful car and I'd like to read you this prayer in closing. As I lay rubber down the street I pray for traction I can keep. Should I skid and start to slide... please dear God... protect my sweet ride."
We all laugh and smile and I just SEE in my mind mom with that big brilliant smile she has getting a good chuckle out of it. Then there wasn't a dry eye in the house as Amazing Grace on the bagpipes play. 

We gather at the house. I tried to hotrod a little for mom. Rob was in the passenger seat but I know mom was there too. The Camaro just didn't feel up to it at first. But a little later I tried again and it kinda started to say "NnnnnooooookAY just this once." and after a little sputter it squatted down, blew out the smoke, front end comes up and it roared. :iconzerrinth: exhaust sounding so nice... 
We gathered and ate. We laughed. We cried. No matter what we did we honored mom. 
So I have until Saturday to iron out a few little issues. I'm going to pick up her remains in the Camaro and give her the ride. 
I miss my mom. I always will. But knowing she isn't in pain and in fear is stronger. 

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:iconmister-lou:
Mister-Lou Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the recent faves, Rich.

you have my sincerest condolences. 
Reply
:iconhotrod-302:
HotRod-302 Featured By Owner 8 hours ago
Youre welcome, and thank you. I miss her... but the relief is greater than the sadness... most of the time.
Reply
:iconduallygirl178:
duallygirl178 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the fave
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:iconhotrod-302:
HotRod-302 Featured By Owner 1 day ago
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconfleur-de-lis4444:
fleur-de-Lis4444 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the fav ^^
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:iconhotrod-302:
HotRod-302 Featured By Owner 2 days ago
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconfleur-de-lis4444:
fleur-de-Lis4444 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Photographer
:D
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:iconneville6000:
Neville6000 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks alsao for the fave of Rocket Raccoon.
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:iconhotrod-302:
HotRod-302 Featured By Owner 4 days ago
You're welcome and welcome!
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:iconneville6000:
Neville6000 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fave of Clockwork Droid.
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